December 24, 2009
The hotel is really not all that close to the airport. It is even bigger and more impersonal than I was able to imagine. The vast foyer is nearly empty of people, or seems so. I wait behind the family, who are taking their time negotiating something with the checkin clerk. As I wait, a group of men, tall and stout with shaven heads, Germans I guess, strut by, on their way out. I wonder idly why they chose to be here. They are on their way to Soi Cowboy. Silom has so many impersonal hotels, all built with men like these in mind. Why strand themselves all the way out here?
A bellhop seems to suddenly tire of my waiting. He takes my papers, addresses the clerk behind the counter, and receives a key. I follow him as he pulls my suitcase down one hall, and then another. Gradually I begin to doubt that I ever left the airport at all, and then to wonder how I will ever get out of this labyrinth without a guide. One dim, carpeted corridor leads to another. I am lost and dizzy when we stop at a door exactly like all the other doors. I tip the porter, and he goes.
Inside, the room is plush. The windows look in on an atrium, so that people in rooms must keep their curtains drawn if they want any privacy. I close mine. Sitting on the footstool, I think that I want some water, and to shower. I think I ought to eat. Instead, I take out my laptop to check my email. There is no message from Cambodia, so they probably don't know where I am. I send another message, not believing it will ever get to them. And then I realize that no one in the world knows where I am.
The idea is oddly liberating, license, somehow, to be someone I'm not. I order room service, and wine. I shower, then lie on the soft bed, drinking and eating and watching the television. I don't flip my laptop open again to try to work or to listen an educational podcast. I revel in being alone in the world, making up my identity as I go along.
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The next day goes as it should. I wake and pack, then jog down the long maze of corridors to wait for the shuttle bus in the dark. The flight is on time, uneventful. It's only when I stand alone outside Siem Reap airport that my panic returns. For I am alone. There is no taxi queue. Tourists have all been collected by hotel vehicles, locals by their families. No one is waiting for me. After a time, I look for a phone, but what for? All I have is the name of the hotel, and the non-working email address.
Then a tuk-tuk approaches, a three-wheeled, open-sided vehicle built around a lawn mower motor. This is my only chance, but I already doubt that my absurd struggle is over. I know the hotel is a modest one, so it's unlikely that the driver will be able to identify it by the name alone, and that's all I have. I feel that I haven't the stamina to knock on every hotel door in Siem Reap looking for my family, but I may have no choice.
The tuk-tuk pulls up in front of me, and the passenger steps out. It is my darling son, just sixteen years old, but suddenly grown up enough to come to my rescue. He has been coming to the airport to meet every Bangkok flight since the one I should have been on. We hug in Siem Reap airport, on the morning of Christmas Eve.
Read the beginning.
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